Peaceful, Happy Homes

March 15, 2023

What is the source of ongoing strife and turmoil in the home?  Our home life is supposed to be a source of great blessings, but sometimes it is more of a source of stress, anger, and contentiousness.  Husband and wife cannot seem to get along.  The children are disrespectful to their parents and constantly fight with their siblings.  Mother and Father have grown weary of their children because of their behavior and have “checked out” mentally.  Problems such as these are common in the world and even within the church.  What is the source of these problems, and what is the solution?

The source of these problems is that one or more people in the family have stopped heeding the voice of the Lord.  When the Lord and His word are at the center of the home, peace and harmony will abound.  The question is, are we listening to His voice?  Are we seeking His wisdom?  Listen to where the wisdom of God will lead us: “How blessed is the man who finds wisdom and the man who gains understanding.  For her profit is better than the profit of silver and her gain better than fine gold.  She is more precious than jewels; and nothing you desire compares with her…Her ways are pleasant ways and all her paths are peace.  She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her, and happy are all who hold her fast.” (Proverbs 3:13-15, 17-18 NAS95) What will the wisdom of God bring into all aspects of our lives, including our homes?  Pleasantness, peace, happiness, and life.  But if we choose not to listen, if we choose to go our own way, we will only hurt ourselves and rob ourselves of His blessings.  We must hold fast the wisdom of God!

God designed human beings. He designed marriage. He designed the family. If we will listen to His voice, our homes will function beautifully, and blessings will abound.  Sure, difficult times will come, but in those times, we will find that our homes will be a place of comfort and solace rather than a place of additional stress and turmoil.  May we all experience the blessings in our homes that God intended for us to enjoy.

—Scott Colvin

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Posted by Scott Colvin

A New Family Tradition

January 28, 2023

Let’s be honest, parenting is a hard job. Running here and there to keep our children fed, clothed, educated, well-rounded, and happy can be exhausting. Yes, parenting is a tough job, but it is also a great joy. Our children are a tremendous blessing from the Lord. They are like beautiful olive plants around your table (Psalm 128:3). How can we truly nurture and protect these gifts from God?

Most parents’ minds are completely absorbed in taking care of their children’s physical needs. But how are we doing with providing for our children spiritually? We can get so busy providing physical things (which are certainly important) that we can neglect the spiritual things that are far, far more important. Providing spiritual training and instruction for our kids is the most important thing that we can do as parents! For what will it profit our children if they are well-fed, well-educated, and well-entertained but lose their soul?

Is the Lord important to you? Is your faith important to you? Are there godly virtues that are important to you? Do you want your children to cherish these things, too? Of course, the church can (and should) help instill godly values in your children, but the most powerful way in which these things will be transmitted to them is through you! The evil in the world has a strong pull that must be counteracted with sustained effort. If we do nothing and just hope that our kids will pick up godly values on their own, the odds are very high that they will one day walk away from the Lord.

So, what can we do? I want to encourage you to start a tradition in your home of family devotional time. What might this look like? It will vary from family to family, but the idea is to spend quality time together as a family being near to God. Spend some time reading the word together. Give your children time to think and ask questions about what you read. You may be surprised by the great questions they have. Spend some time singing with your children. You might learn that your kids have hymns that are special to them. Spend some time in prayer together. You might find out new things that are on your children’s hearts. You don’t necessarily have to spend a long amount of time, and even if your children are very young, you may be surprised at what they are capable of learning.

Parents, it is up to us to instill the things of God in our children. Would you give family devotional time a try? I am convinced that it will be a great spiritual benefit to you and your kids, and it will make for some of your most cherished memories as a family.

—Scott Colvin

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Posted by Russell Holden

A Glimpse of a Godly Family

September 6, 2022

God has given us very clear instructions on how a family should operate.  He has given us these instructions out of His love and kindness for us.  They are for our benefit, that our homes and lives would be blessed and happy.  Unfortunately, sometimes we are more apt to follow the teaching and thinking of the world than the instructions of God.  This is to our own detriment.

What are some of God’s instructions that will bring wonderful blessings to our family life?  God has said, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22 NAS95) Of course, the world bristles and rages against such an instruction.  What about us as the children of God?  Will we listen?  Do we want to find God’s favor?  In the same passage, God says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25 NAS95) Husbands, are we loving our wives in this way?  Are you sacrificing for her and putting her needs above your own just as Christ did for the church?  This is the instruction of God.  We will be blessed if we will do it. 

When a husband and wife are working together to fulfill their God-given roles in marriage, fine and beautiful blessings will flow into their family.  We get a glimpse of a godly family in Proverbs chapter 31, and we see in this passage that a godly wife plays a key role in finding God’s blessings. “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.  The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.  She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.”  (Proverbs 31:10-12 NAS95) Later in this passage we read, “Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her, saying: ‘Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.’” (Proverbs 31:28-29, NAS95) Do you see the blessings flowing from God to the family who listens to God?  The wife has subjected herself to her husband’s leadership.  She does good to her husband all the days of her life.  For his part, the husband recognizes the excellence and value of his wife.  He recognizes that her worth is far above jewels.  He trusts her.  He praises her.  He encourages her to use her gifts in the family and in the community.  The husband and wife set a tone for the family that flows down to the children.  The children rise up and bless their mother.  What a picture of a happy, blessed family!

God wants to bless your family, too.  But we must be doing things His way!  May God bless your family as you strive to take His instructions to heart!      

—Scott Colvin

Leave a Comment » | children, Ephesians 5:22, Ephesians 5:25, family, husbands, Proverbs 31, wives | Tagged: , , , | Permalink
Posted by Scott Colvin

The Discipline of Children

October 26, 2018

I’m now a grandfather. The raising of small children is in my past. I’m proud of our children who are both Christians and hardworking, productive people. So, I will venture to say a few things on what I’ve learned about disciplining children.

I have learned that sometimes a child acts up in order to gain attention. The way to fix that problem is give them the positive attention he or she is seeking. Of course, this means recognizing the problem in yourself that maybe you’ve been too busy.

I have learned that sometimes acting out has to do with stresses in the child’s life. We need to know what’s going on in our child’s life. We may have to sit and talk, ask questions and explore. Otherwise we are only treating one side of the problem and maybe making things worse. We are adding a stress rather than discovering and dealing with the stress. A problem at school can manifest itself with acting out at home, and vice versa.

I have learned to distinguish childish behavior from rebellious behavior. The latter received the greater punishments. By the way, I include lying with rebellious behavior. Part of our teaching, training, and disciplining children should results in a person who respects authority.

I have learned that children will try to divide and conquer, so it is important for Mom and Dad to be on the same page which means consulting one another.

I have learned to start small. The danger is that we will give a snap decision of a punishment that we will later decide is too severe, and then we will change our mind. Best to start small, and if the same infraction occurs, build slowly with greater punishment.

I have learned that children will test boundaries, but if you are inconsistent in your boundaries, the testing of those boundaries will be worse. I’ve seen children out in public that seem to push their parents buttons all the time. If you are always using anger to discipline your child, you are doing it wrong. The problem probably lies with your inconsistency.

I have learned that corrective discipline needs to be unpleasant, so we avoid repeating the offense. “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:11, ESV). What works for one child may not for another.

Discipline is more than correction. We also teach our values and beliefs about God, and those values and beliefs need to be seen in our daily lives.

The goal is consistent, fair discipline, which involves knowing what is going on in your child’s life. This goal includes the positive sharing of values and beliefs. The reward is wonderful times and conversations with your adult children who are moral, spiritual, and responsible adults.

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Posted by Russell Holden

“Pass It On”

June 27, 2014

The British and Foreign Bible Society has launched an initiative called “Pass It On” for 2014. The idea is to encourage adults to read the Bible to children or to tell them the stories of the Bible. This major push arose from a survey that was done of children between the ages of 8 to 15 and parents of children age 3 to 16 in the United Kingdom. Here is what they found.

In the Survey of 8 to 15 year olds in the U.K.

  • 23% had never read, seen or heard Noah’s Ark.
  • 25% had never read, seen or heard the Nativity.
  • 54% had never read, seen or heard Joseph and his coat of many colors.
  • 60% had never read, seen or heard the Feeding of the 5,000
  • 61% had never read, seen or heard the Good Samaritan
  • 63% had never read, seen or heard the Creation account.
  • 72% had never read, seen or heard Daniel and the lion’s den.
  • 85 % had never read, seen or heard the story of Solomon.

In the Survey of Parents of Children 3 to 16 in the U.K.

  • 30% did not recognize the story of Adam and Eve
  • 31% did not recognize the story of David and Goliath
  • 27% did not recognize the story of the Good Samaritan

Besides being tested on the plot lines of Bible stories, they were also given the plot lines of various stories outside the Bible to see if they thought they were in the Bible. Would the recognize that these stories are not found in the Bible? Here’s how it went with the parents.

  • 34% thought the plot line of Harry Potter was or might be in the Bible
  • 54% for the plot of the Hunger Games
  • 27% for the plot line of Superman
  • 46% for the plot line of The Da Vinci Code

Yes, this is a survey for Great Britain and not the United States. There is an obvious difference between the two countries. Currently, the U.K. has a church attendance rate at about 12% while the rate in the U.S. is at 43%. But it is a cautionary tale. What happens when one generation fails to pass on the Bible?

“We will not hide them from their children,
but tell to the coming generation
the glorious deeds of the LORD, and his might,
and the wonders that he has done. Psalms 78:4,ESV

Sources: “Church Attendance Statistics by Country
http://www.biblesociety.org.uk/about-bible-society/our-work/pass-it-on/

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Posted by Russell Holden

The Transgenerational Father

June 15, 2012

It is easy to recognize that a father influences his child. That’s one generation influencing the next, but a grandfather or great-grandfather also influences his grandchildren or great-grandchildren either directly or indirectly. The power of fatherhood is transgenerational.

A grandfather or great-grandfather may have an opportunity to directly influence his grandchild or great-grandchild, but regardless, he has had a powerful influence indirectly, because he has helped raise the grandchild’s father or mother or the great-grandchild’s grandfather or grandmother.

As a father’s influence becomes more indirect, it also becomes more widely felt. There is a reason we call genealogies a family tree. From two people come many branches — that is the widening of influence. Families grow by multiplication not simple addition.

The Bible recognizes this influence of one generation upon another.

He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments; and that they should not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation whose heart was not steadfast, whose spirit was not faithful to God. (Psalm 78:5–8, ESV)

Psalm 78 recognizes the transgenerational power of fatherhood. This influence may be for better or worse. The psalm advocates the influence for the better, but it illustrates the influence for the worse.

Stu Weber in his book, Tender Warrior, quantifies a father’s spiritual influence.

When the father is an active believer, there is about a seventy-five percent likelihood that the children will also become active believers. But if only the mother is a believer, this likelihood is dramatically reduced to fifteen percent.*

What kind of influence do you want to have on the generations to come?

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4, ESV)

*Stu Weber, Tender Warrior, p. 143.

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Posted by Russell Holden

Not Mass Produced

May 11, 2012

Netflix currently has the series, How It’s Made. I’m fascinated with the automation that goes into everyday products. One episode showed a factory producing copy paper. I tend to feel like I’m all thumbs unwrapping a ream of paper and placing it in the photocopier, but a mechanized factory produces 55,000 sheets of paper a minute, and it can wrap a ream of paper in the blink of an eye. Another episode showed a machine that fabricates adhesive bandages. It produced 300 to 1500 bandages a minute depending on size.

Since the industrial revolution, a few have pondered whether children could be raised that way. Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World imagined a hatchery for children. Children were designed and conditioned to fulfill their various social stations. No need for the messiness of parents. The upper class alphas could then be free to consume (that’s what consumer societies need after all) and to experience pleasure.

The real world has produced more modest attempts of raising children in mass. The Soviet Union experimented on the family with child care centers. It attempted to put more of the child raising under the control of the state. From a non-Marxist point a view, feminism also desired the emancipation of women from the burden of child rearing. They believed that collective child care was inevitable, but their most illusive goal was freedom from the pre-school years.

Yet, maternal and parenting instincts are strong, and some of the attempts to change family life have fortunately been resisted. The Soviet Union had to reverse its course in its attempt to radically change the family. Plus, all this experimenting has taught us something. Child raising does not seem to be an activity that can be successfully industrialized. Children succeed at certain developmental tasks with parents that are not met with even the best child care.

Your mother gave birth to you. She changed your diapers. She talked to you and read stories to you. She taught you right from wrong. In fact, your moral sense was developed by the age of nine. She taught you how to pray your first child-like prayers. She guided you in learning how to share your toys, resolve your conflicts, and pick up after yourself. You learned to brush your teeth, take a bath, and say thank you and please.

She was there when you were frightened, and she protected you from dangers even the ones for which you were totally unaware. She put Band-Aids on your skinned knee and wiped away your tears. It was a labor intensive task, yet a labor of love. You were not massed produced.

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Posted by Russell Holden