The Discipline of a Father

April 18, 2024

Godly masculinity is becoming a lost art.  Or maybe it is more accurate to say that the principles of godly masculinity are being purposefully obscured by evil forces in our world. Society tells us that men should be weak.  Society says that men are incompetent, bumbling, and unaware.  Society tells us that any useful information a man may have to offer is not “helpful,” but rather “mansplaining.”    Society tells us that masculinity is “toxic.”  Of course, a man may come to have any one of these negative qualities, but I am speaking of those who are striving to be godly men and fathers.

The disparagement of godly masculinity is perhaps most damaging when it comes to fatherhood.  The world sees child raising as primarily the mother’s role.  Mothers have a tremendous role to play, but so do fathers!  God designed men and women to operate and to think differently, and both mother and father need to bring their strengths to the table. 

One of the God-given roles of fathers, in particular, is to bring discipline into the child’s life.  As we read in Ephesians chapter six, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4 NASB95) To discipline a child is to provide guidance in responsible living.  To instruct a child is to warn them about and discourage improper behavior.  In other words, children need to be trained in the right way and warned about the wrong way.  This can be done through conversation, through appropriate punishment, and through modeling godly behavior for our children.  All of this should be done in a way that does not provoke our children to anger, but rather in a way that encourages them and builds them up (even if it creates sorrow for a time).

What kinds of things can we train and warn our children about?  Fathers, do you have a running list of things that you want to teach your children?  Things like:  Always tell the truth; never compromise what is right; treat your mother with respect; do your work heartily for the Lord without whining or complaining; respect your elders; be generous; be busy for the Lord; always prioritize worship, bible study, and prayer.  What things are on your “need to know” list?  What are you instilling in your children?

Fathers, the Lord expects us to provide discipline and instruction for our children.  Don’t let the world cow you into letting your children run headlong into an unrestrained, undisciplined life!  Do it because you love them. Do it because you are following the example of our heavenly Father who disciplines us out of love.  “For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom he receives.  It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?” (Hebrews 12:6-7 NASB95)

—Scott Colvin

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Posted by Scott Colvin

The Discipline of Children

October 26, 2018

I’m now a grandfather. The raising of small children is in my past. I’m proud of our children who are both Christians and hardworking, productive people. So, I will venture to say a few things on what I’ve learned about disciplining children.

I have learned that sometimes a child acts up in order to gain attention. The way to fix that problem is give them the positive attention he or she is seeking. Of course, this means recognizing the problem in yourself that maybe you’ve been too busy.

I have learned that sometimes acting out has to do with stresses in the child’s life. We need to know what’s going on in our child’s life. We may have to sit and talk, ask questions and explore. Otherwise we are only treating one side of the problem and maybe making things worse. We are adding a stress rather than discovering and dealing with the stress. A problem at school can manifest itself with acting out at home, and vice versa.

I have learned to distinguish childish behavior from rebellious behavior. The latter received the greater punishments. By the way, I include lying with rebellious behavior. Part of our teaching, training, and disciplining children should results in a person who respects authority.

I have learned that children will try to divide and conquer, so it is important for Mom and Dad to be on the same page which means consulting one another.

I have learned to start small. The danger is that we will give a snap decision of a punishment that we will later decide is too severe, and then we will change our mind. Best to start small, and if the same infraction occurs, build slowly with greater punishment.

I have learned that children will test boundaries, but if you are inconsistent in your boundaries, the testing of those boundaries will be worse. I’ve seen children out in public that seem to push their parents buttons all the time. If you are always using anger to discipline your child, you are doing it wrong. The problem probably lies with your inconsistency.

I have learned that corrective discipline needs to be unpleasant, so we avoid repeating the offense. “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:11, ESV). What works for one child may not for another.

Discipline is more than correction. We also teach our values and beliefs about God, and those values and beliefs need to be seen in our daily lives.

The goal is consistent, fair discipline, which involves knowing what is going on in your child’s life. This goal includes the positive sharing of values and beliefs. The reward is wonderful times and conversations with your adult children who are moral, spiritual, and responsible adults.

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Posted by Russell Holden